I know this is a hot issue: copy cats.
Let's say that someone asks for your advice on something you kind of specialize in and wants to know how to do it (for the purpose of making this easier, we'll just say it's sewing). You have a friend who has never touched a sewing machine. You happen to know your way around one, have completed several successful projects, might even do a little for money, and have a blog dedicated to your hobby. You give this friend some tips and advice, answer their frantic texts when they don't know what to do, and become their go-to person. And then one day they create a blog about sewing and start posting all the stuff that they're making (which happens to be awfully similar to the things you do) and don't ever give you credit for the ideas or advice or help.
What do you do in this scenario? It's not like the projects you do are original. You weren't the first person to make a pillowcase or apron or curtains. It's fair game. But now they're going crazy publicizing their blog and projects to all your mutual friends (who may not be as familiar with the fact that you've been doing it a while)...still never giving you any credit or saying you helped them get started. And now you hesitate to say anything or post anything on Facebook because it looks like you're copying or being a jerk by trying to out-do them...when really...you started this sewing frenzy first.
Are you following me? What would you do in this scenario? Would you say something to this person and express your frustration and let them know you're a little hurt or do you just keep doing your thing hoping people notice that you've been doing it much longer and quit offering advice and tips to your friend?
**I may or may not be in a situation like this. I may or may not be asking for your help because I don't want to screw up a friendship if I'm just being ridiculous and arrogant for wanting credit.**
Can you help a sista out? I'm not sure where to draw the line sometimes. I'd love to hear your thoughts and suggestions.
Ugh, really tough situation. I was in a somewhat similar situation, but instead it was with someone I don't really know. In my situation I decided that there is nothing I can say or do - I would just look like a jerk who wants attention if I say anything, even though it was my idea first. So I settled for knowing in my own heart that I did indeed think of it first, and praying for vindication! Not sure what else to do in my situation, BUT in yours, if it's a friend, that makes it a little different. If it were me, I'd most definitely stop offering tips, and if my friend asked for any more tips I might just say something about it. But only after alot of prayer and thinking about the exact right words to say. Yuck. Sorry I can't be of more help.
ReplyDeleteIt's so frustrating when people take your ideas and then don't even mention that you helped them or anything - I don't mind if people copy me, as long as they tell people where they got the good idea when they're complimented on it!
I have to agree with Callie. Be the bigger woman and let this go. Sounds like your friend is insecure and needs to find a position where she will be admired...obviously going about it in a lousy way.
ReplyDeleteHowever, if it is brought up between you two, tell her the truth in love, "Hey sista, your kinda bumming me out!" No need to be mean, but just tell her how it makes you feel.
You do what you do and that makes it unique to you (woo!), so get out there and keep it up.
This all seems to boil down to recognition from others, and honestly you don't need that to enjoy your craft. :)
Came here from Callie's, and I totally get this. It is SO hard when it is a close, mutual friend. Something God has been teaching me SO much here lately is that I don't deserve credit for anything...Which is the gospel truth, but so hard to swallow. I think as humans (with the carnal nature we have) we crave recognition. We crave acknowledgement. We want people to say "You did good!" and when we teach our talents, we want them to say "Thank you!" but the root of the matter? It's selfishness. Now, I'm not suggesting you just get over it, because I KNOW how hard it is. But we have to get to a place (some call it maturity, hah!) where we realize this: all that we are? It's because of HIM. Our talent, our self worth, the things He has blessed us with? None of it is ours.
ReplyDeleteEven if we *do* come up with something awesome (because lets face it, we all thrive off of sharing ideas) first, and someone else "takes" it, duplicates it, and basks in the glow -- remember, the only Original things in this life are sin and Christ. Everything else is just a shadow. And what are shadows? Reflections and copies of the Original.
Being the bigger person STINKS sometimes, which is why so many others choose not to do it, but I can most definitely tell you one thing: God will honor your heart. He will honor your kindness to this friend, and He will bless you anyway. It may not be how YOU think your endeavor would/should bless you, but He will.
I had a similar situation with a new friend, and was so hurt by it. What helped me the most was to think of it in relation to God our Savior. We are always taking the credit for things, when He is the one who gives us life and in whom we live and move and have our being. I found myself humbled by how often I forget to thank Him and give Him praise for the work He has done in me, and for the talents and abilities He's blessed me with!! Focusing on God's tender love and mercy helped me to be more generous in a situation like this one. It still was not easy, and oh boy, were my feathers ruffled a few times!! But the best thing to do? Pray pray pray! Don't let another's insecurity become your own. Keep doing the great thing you are doing, and give God the glory for it.
ReplyDeleteI completely agree with the people that said be the bigger person and let this go. However, if I were the copy cat, I would also like to know. I mean, I might be doing it completely unintentionally and never knowing I am making you incredibly angry in the process. It is a hard decision to make, but sometimes we need to tell our friends things that are hurting us.
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